Not Every Christmas Season Can Be a Hallmark Movie

Being separated or going through a divorce during the holidays is not easy. Even under the best of circumstance, there will be things that crop up: to irritate you, to anger you, to make you sad. You may feel you will always have these depressive feelings. Let me tell you a story about a holiday during my divorce.

It was the 2nd Christmas in the midst of my divorce. I had tried to keep a “healthy” holiday atmosphere” for my girls. Things were getting difficult with their father, his new girlfriend and me. I knew my daughters were feeling pulled in all kinds of directions, I decided we would have a wonderful holiday just before Christmas Day this year. Christmas Day is when they always went to my in-laws to celebrate, and this year would not be any different. I thought by having this holiday, it would take the sting out of not being with them on Christmas Day. This was something I had dreamed of for years to do with my family, I thought, why not this year?

I planned a wonderful trip to New York City for my 3 daughters and me. We would stay in a hotel for 3 days and attend the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Show with the Rockettes. I envisioned us walking around, looking at the all of the holiday store fronts, seeing the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree and ice skating on the famous rink. I had saved up all summer for this holiday extravaganza and I couldn’t wait!

I had worked for the family business since 1991. I continued to work after the separation from home. I had moved to another town, my hometown was too small and full of memories. My soon to be ex-husband came to me saying his new girlfriend didn’t have health insurance, and would it be okay if she took over the payroll? Because I was under the impression we were still on good terms, I agreed. I still worked in other capacities for the business.  One week, soon after, I saw that my usual direct deposit paycheck was not there in my bank account. I called the payroll company, who I had been working with when I did the business payroll and I was informed I was not able to obtain any information about the business as I was not on the list. I was told, however, there wasn’t a paycheck made out to me that week.  He wouldn’t answer my calls, no one from the store would talk to me and I suddenly realized what happening. I was cut off, without any income coming in, without any warning, just like that. Without any money coming in and bills to pay, I knew our holiday to New York City would have to be canceled.

I canceled the hotel reservations and I was able to sell the Rockettes Radio City Music Hall tickets online, at a loss. My girls understood for the most part, but it was years later before they really understood how bad things became for me. As their mother, I wanted to protect them at that time.

After the holidays, I started looking for a job but it was hard to find one. I was basically a stay at home mom for over 25 years and worked for my in-law’s business for over 15 years. I couldn’t even get a decent recommendation when applying for a new job.

For holiday and birthday gifts, my ex-husband would give me jewelry. The jewels were always in one of our daughter’s birthstones, which I had planned on leaving to them.  Piece by piece, I had to sell all of the jewelry to pay for my heat and electric. Living in Ontario, New York, was very cold and we had lots of snow every year. Enter the 2008 economic crash, and things were really getting bad. I put my house up for sale and sold it for a substantial loss, I had bought it thinking it would be a great place for my girls to come and visit, and eventually have the grandchildren come too! I had to be practical and do what I could just to get by.

What I want to tell you, is whether you’re going through a divorce, separation or an extremely dark time, you will get through this. There were days I felt so alone. Friends and family who I had always felt were very important in my life for years and years, fell by the wayside. And yet, going through this kind of heartache and pain, is still helping me today. I always felt I was a strong woman, I just found out how strong I really was. I realized this was my time to start changing my life into what I want. I started taking steps forward. It would take me a few more years to get to my happy place. But I did it! You can too!

You will find out who are really are there for you. More importantly, you will find out who you really are and what you are made of. Although on one hand, I am sorry things happened as bad as they did, I am certain that I would not be who I am or where I am today if I didn’t go through them.

For instance:

I know who I am.

I keep my circle small, without any regrets. Friends and family.

I know who I want in my life, and I appreciate every single soul.

I am no longer a 'people pleaser'.

I realize that even if a door does close on you, there is a much better future ahead.

I know what I need to be happy, stay strong and healthy.

I live in a beautiful place where I use to only dream of living. I have been here, in Charleston, for over 13 years.

I have remarried to a man I love deeper every day.  I never, ever, have to question his love or loyalty for me.

I live in a really nice home, with a lovely view, that fills me with content every morning when I have my cup of coffee.

You can live the life you've always dreamed of having. Reach out to me, today and we can formulate a plan to start right away!