I first noticed something wasn’t quite right when money was missing from my place of business. I always kept money in the safe to open each morning. Money and my jewelry started missing from my home. I was always so careful with my jewelry, I knew I didn’t misplace it.

My youngest daughter stopped getting up for school, I would find her dressed in layers and under a lot of blankets when I went into her room. I found out later she would wait until we were sleeping and then sneak out to the city. To do drugs.

One day she was caught trying to sell our Nintendo games to someone waiting in our driveway. Her father caught her and he made her tell him everything. She confessed to the money, to the jewelry, to sneaking out. I couldn’t believe it. We were those parents who didn’t have a clue. We tried everything we could think of to help her in her addiction. Looking back, all I needed to know was that there wasn’t anything I could do to make her stop using. She had to want it for herself.

Fast forward 7 years. My divorce was final and emotionally or mentally, I was not in a good place. My youngest daughter was still using. My other two daughters and I were not speaking. I knew I had to do something, to make my life right, for me. I had to start living my life for me and not for everyone I deemed important in my life.

I moved to Charleston, South Carolina as it has always been a dream to move there when my girls were little. We used to vacation in Charleston and rent a beach house on one of the islands for a week. My mother and step father lived here, so did my brother and his family. I was hoping to have the same familiar relationships I had years ago, before they had moved. I found out soon enough that wasn’t going to happen. Looking back, I realized that everything that happens is meant to be.

It was the first week in June when I received a phone call from her boyfriend telling me my daughter was in the hospital, very sick. She had been sick for a few weeks, but finally agreed to go to the ER. There she collapsed. Her boyfriend called me to tell me Amber’s heart had stopped beating but they were able to get it going again. But she was in a coma. I called my oldest daughter and asked her to go to the hospital to see if it was true. She called me and said it was, and sent me a picture of Amber in the hospital bed. I tried to book a flight out of Charleston to Rochester but I couldn’t get on one until the next day. My husband, Mark, and I threw clothes in a suitcase and put our two small dogs in the backseat. We started the 13-hour drive to Rochester. We drove until neither one of could see, and we stopped to take a nap at a motel in Virginia.

About an hour later, another call from Amber’s boyfriend telling us once again, her heart stopped, but they got it beating again. No one knew how much more her body could take. She had sepsis, and organs were shutting down. I started losing it in the motel room, screaming and crying, I felt so far away from my baby girl. I knew if I could just be with her… I text Jennifer several times telling her to go to Amber so she wouldn’t be all alone. I didn’t want her to leave this world without a family member right beside her. I finally received a response from Jennifer saying, “It’ll be alright”. Reading those words had a calming effect on me.

We hit the road again, Mark got us to the hospital in record time. The last 2 hours my daughter kept texting me telling me to hurry. The nurses were telling her to tell me she may not still be alive when I got there. I was now on a mission to say goodbye to my baby girl before she passed. I told Jennifer to yell at Amber and tell her not to leave, Mom was on her way. No way was she to leave us until I could be with her!

Upon entering the hospital room, Amber’s father and her sisters were standing around her bed. I asked everyone to leave as I wanted to be with her alone. I told her I was right there with her, if she wanted to leave us, I would understand. But, if she wanted to fight, I would be fighting right there with her.

I asked her to give me some kind of sign she was going to fight to live. All of a sudden, her right foot moved! Not a lot, but it did move! I knew that was a sign she wanted to fight.

As the family entered the hospital’s conference room with the doctor, we were given two options. Keep her at this hospital or transfer her to another hospital that had the equipment to really care for her, that might be able to save her. I chose the other hospital.

Strong Memorial Hospital is the absolute best in my opinion. Amber was moved into ICU where she would remain in her coma for a couple of weeks. I cannot say enough about her team of doctors, the nurses, everyone was so kind and supportive.

I was fortunate to be able to stay with my oldest daughter, her husband and my two grandchildren during Amber’s hospital stay. I would spend two whole days and nights in Amber’s room and then go to Jennifer’s house where I was able to shower, eat a homecooked meal and sleep in a bed. The next I was back to the hospital to be with my youngest. I would sing songs to her, her favorites and songs I knew she knew were my favorites. I would talk to her about special memories we had when she was little. I would spend hours reading a book to her. Anything so she could hear my voice and know I was with her.

Every morning around 7 am, a team of doctors would stop in her room. There was a cardiologist, pulmonologist, an infectious disease specialist, and I am sure there were more but these doctors were the one I spoke with every morning.

One morning they wanted to put Amber on dialysis for her kidneys that didn’t seem to be functioning as well as they would like. I begged for one more day before using the machine on her. For some reason, I had it stuck in my head that if she went on dialysis, the rest of her body may also start shutting down. I watched her output bag all day long, praying that she would start filling it. Her machine was just outside the door to her room.

Finally! Late that afternoon, her bag had some liquid in it. I called the nurse so she could measure and they decided to give Amber another day to see if she improved. Thank goodness she did. To me, this was another reason to not lose hope and believe she would wake up!

Having Amber sidestep the dialysis machine was a huge first step. Every morning, her team would gather inside her room and discuss her current treatment and what future treatments might help. One doctor in particular, her pulmonologist, took great care in pulling up her lung x-rays explaining every white and dark shading on her lungs to me. We were looking for clearing of her lungs which seemed to happen very slowly. The doctor was patient with me, reminding me daily that we are in a marathon not a sprint.

Amber’s fiancé would spend the night on the days I left to go home with Jennifer. We talked and I told him he could not be around Amber if he was still using. Her recovery would be very long and she needed only clean and positive people, if she was going to make it. He promised he’d get help and he was working on quitting.

I would sit next to Amber and hold her hand. I wanted to crawl up next to her in the hospital bed, but there were too many wires and machines hooked up to her. Her body swelled up so, she was almost unrecognizable. Still, she was still here with me.

One day the doctors came in and said Amber most likely would be waking up in the next few days. I was cautious but so overjoyed to hear this. I stepped up on my reading, singing (so sorry Amber!) and just plain talking. I was told she would be facing open heart surgery to replace a valve once she was awake. There were no guarantees on this surgery. If she didn’t have this surgery, she wouldn’t live. The chances of her making it through open heart surgery weren’t 100%. Of course, she would have the surgery. She hasn’t come this far just to leave us!

One day, Amber opened her eyes. She still had the ventilator so she couldn’t speak. She would look around the room and then her eyes would gaze into mine. I knew she knew me. I told her she was safe and I was with her. I wouldn’t leave her.

The next day they came in and took out her ventilation tube. She couldn’t speak yet. She couldn’t eat yet. I was told she would need to learn to eat, walk, talk and get dressed again. After her heart surgery.

Amber’s heart surgeon came in the night before her scheduled surgery. He told her if she ever came back in to him, due to using drugs, he would not help her. This was her chance to start living the kind of life she was meant to live. I watched Amber, she was listening intently to him, nodding slowly. She understood this was to be her last chance of survival. After the doctor left, an assistant to the doctor came in to speak with me. Thank goodness Amber was sleeping! He told me Amber’s chances of surviving the surgery was very low and he didn’t think she would make it through it. I asked him to leave, we didn’t need that negativity around us. I ran to the restrooms, locked myself in and started vomiting and praying. There was no way I could lose my Amber! I splashed cold water on my face and wrists, dried off and went back to Amber’s room. I needed to get a good night’s sleep to face tomorrow and what it may bring.

When I spent nights in Amber’s hospital room, it was bouts of sleep, off and on. The sound of the equipment, the chatter of the nurses outside in the hallway, constant dinging of bells from patients who needed something. But I did rest. Something about being able to open my eyes and seeing Amber near me, brought me such comfort.

This morning was going to be different! I woke up early, ran to the lady’s room, washed my face, brushed my hair and teeth and came back to the room. I put my hospital bed/chair away and folded up the blankets. Amber was sleeping so I went to the cafeteria for coffee and brought it back up with me. The nurses came in and started untangling and gathering all of Amber’s tubing and machines to take her to the operating room. I gave her a gentle hug, reminded her of how strong she was and that I would see her in a few hours. And of course, how much I loved her. As they wheeled her out of her room, I think I went numb. I only remember bits and parts of the rest of the day. A nurse took me down to the waiting room where I would be informed of Amber’s progress. I was originally told it would be between 4-6 hours for the surgery. I sat down, across from my ex-husband and his wife. I was surprised to see him because he didn’t really make any appearances except that first time in the other hospital. We never spoke, I never looked at him or her. My heart and mind concentrated on Amber in the operating room. About 90 minutes through the surgery, I received a phone from her heart surgeon stating the surgery went great, it went faster than he had anticipated and I should be able to see her in a couple of hours. Thank you, God!

A few hours later, Amber was awake in a new room, she was on the cardiac floor. She was in a lot of pain and had a tube down her throat again. The nurse did take it out a couple of hours later.

Amber had to go through physical therapy, learning how to eat, drink, talk, and walk. She became frustrated, but also proud of herself with new obstacle she overcame. She completely lost the hearing in her right ear. She has learned ways to compensate for the loss.

This year, Amber celebrated 9 years of sobriety! We, her family, are so proud of her and all she has accomplished. She stayed in a woman’s residence for several years, working on her sobriety. She got her a job and did very well! Two years ago, she found love and moved to Ohio where she works and is learning to enjoy life.

I thought now was the perfect time to honor my last born. She is scheduled for another open-heart surgery at the end of August. Apparently, the replacement valve does wear out between 8-10 years, depending how active the patient is. Younger patients are more active and Amber does enjoy doing aerobics just about every night.

I just skimmed through some of the history we went through with Amber’s addiction. It was much worse and much heavier than I showed here. I am so thankful for my people who I worked for here in Charleston. I was given the extra time off to spend with Amber and people donated their PTO for me so I would have money coming in! I will be forever grateful to those who wrote to me, called me and showed up at the hospital as a friend to Amber. Please, never lose hope. Every day surround yourself with people who lift you up and only want good things for you. You will see the separation from friends and family, of those who really want the best of you, and the others who just want to be part of the drama, or be ‘in the know’.

Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or if you ever want to share with me.